Roses
by silverscissors
Summary: Ryou killed himself...Bakura's thoughts, wishes and regrets...


Roses  
~*~  
White roses.  
~Ryou's favorite.~  
He loved those.  
A slight breeze swept my face.  
Tears drip down from my eyes as I twirl the stem of the immaculate flower  
in my hands.  
Sadness.  
Intense sadness wells up inside me.  
I try to shake myself out of it.  
~::Laughter:: You cannot run from yourself. . .~  
I gently toss the flower into the air.  
It rises for a short while, and I watch it fall, landing on a stone tablet.  
'Bakura Ryou'  
'1984-2000'  
'R.I.P'  
More tears.  
I tell myself it's all right.  
~You know it's not.~  
Everything's fine.  
~Why lie to yourself. . .?~  
It's all just a bad dream.  
~You know it's not.~  
Soon I'll wake up, and my hikari will be there.  
~::More laughter:: Fool. . .~  
He will stand over me, asking me why I had been crying in my sleep again.  
~And you will of course answer as usual.~  
I'll slap him across the face.  
~You deserve this. . .~  
I choked out a cry.  
What have I done. . .?  
~You get what you give. . .~  
That voice again.  
A cold wind blew in the branches of the sakura tree.  
Pale pink petals danced around the grave of my hikari.  
I sigh, and look down at the alabaster tombstone at my feet.  
White roses grow all around it.  
With a gentle wind, I heard, deep in the chambers of my mind, my hikari's  
soft voice, and saw his kind, sad smile.  
~Ironic, isn't it. . .?~  
Stop it.  
Go away.  
~::Laughter::~  
I ignore it, and turn back to the roses.  
Yes, my hikari would have wanted white roses to one day cover his grave.  
~Perhaps, but not this soon. . .~  
I get up.  
Hikari.  
~He's gone.~  
He's not.  
~He's dead.~  
No. . .  
~He won't come back.~  
You lie. . .  
~::Laughter:: And it's your fault.~  
I can't deny it.  
I am to blame.  
~You murdered him.~  
I did.  
I drove him into killing himself.  
Fury.  
What has hedone to deserve this. . .?  
Why my hikari. . .?  
What has he ever done. . .?  
I suppose it is my fault.  
~It all is.~  
But I refuse to accept it.  
I won't.  
Never.  
~You will pay. . .~  
It's so unfair.  
Tears.  
I shut my eyes tight.  
No. . .  
~You cannot hide from yourself. . .~  
Leave me alone. . .  
~::Laughter:: You are alone. . .~  
that haunting voice won't leave. . .  
I fall to my knees.  
Get lost. . .  
Please. . .  
Just go away. . .  
~I won't.~  
Sobs.  
I clench my teeth.  
I'm so sorry Ryou. . .  
~Now you know what it feels like. . .~  
. . .What do you want?  
~Revenge.~  
Cold.  
I recoil.  
~::Laughter:: You will soon find out what it is like to live with a demon.  
. .~  
Impossible. . .  
You're not real.  
I cry harder.  
It's all because of hikari.  
It's all because I feel guilty. . .  
I'm sorry Ryou!  
Forgive me.  
~Silence! If you are not truly sorry, do not apologize.~  
I am!  
I'm sorry!  
Ryou!  
I know you can hear me!  
~I said silence!~  
Pain.  
I scream.  
Pain worse than I have ever felt before.  
I saw darkness.  
The Shadow Realm. . .?  
No. . .  
This was far worse. . .  
It was guilt. . .  
And it was crushing me.  
~::Laughter::~  
How could anyone be so cruel. . .?  
~. . .You are surprised aren't you. . .? Do you not recognize me. . .?~  
No. . .  
Please leave. . .  
~::Laughter:: I am you!~  
No!  
More tears.  
No. . .  
Please go away.  
~Weakling! You cry like little Ryou! Get up. Now.~  
No.  
I can't.  
I'm so sorry hikari.  
I'll do anything.  
Anything, hikari.  
Forgive me. . .  
~Do you truly mean it?~  
. . .Yes. . .  
~Good. Now show it.~  
I wiped the tears from my eyes.  
I'm sorry hikari. . .  
I knelt in front of the tombstone, and, imitating the pose Ryou took every  
night before going to bed, I prayed.  
~You will beg. . .~  
I joined my hands in prayer and asked the Lord for forgiveness.  
I asked him to forgive me.  
I asked the Lord to let give Ryou a better life, up there. . .  
I asked him to punish me, if needs be.  
And I spoke to my hikari. . .  
". . .I  
. . .I'm sorry Ryou.  
I'm so sorry. . .  
I hope you are in heaven. . ."  
I cry a little more and close my eyes.  
"I know you are. . .  
I hope you're not sad anymore.  
I hope you will forgive me.  
I'm sorry.  
May I burn in hell.  
May I pay for what I have done to you.  
May you always be happy now, Ryou.  
Let me live only to repay you.  
Let me show I mean my apologies.  
And let the white roses grow as tall as your grave lies deep. . ."  
~*~  
Ok. . . now I confused even myself, so don't be surprised if you're lost. .  
. the sentences like ~this~ are the ones Zoku-ou Bakura says to Bakura and  
the rest is just Bakura thinking. This is inspired by the poem "Lilies" by  
my fave polish author, Adam Mickiewicz. Thank you and please review. 


End file.
